the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
