Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
