Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Someone signed my nipple.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
