You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
