I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
