He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
