We won't sleep together?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
