i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
