I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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