This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
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What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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