Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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