I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
