You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize