Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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