im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
