she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
