I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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