Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
