none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My vagina is officially offended.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
