Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
