Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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