All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
