they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
