I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
