just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
