the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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