I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
