Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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