My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
