She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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