bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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