In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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