I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
