I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
