I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
