I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
