I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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