Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
