Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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