Can i not drive my cunt home
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
