Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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