Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He did a backflip because drugs
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