dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
