My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
