Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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