I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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