the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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