sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
