I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
