Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
