They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
