Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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