dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
