College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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