ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
