My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
