so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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