I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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