Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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