I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
