Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
