based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my liver is dry heaving
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
