why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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