It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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