i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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