your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
