Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
