my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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