I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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