if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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