Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dicks are not precious.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
