just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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