Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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